Conversation with my husband recently:
Me: What’s that Beach Boys song I love? The romantic one?
Husband: Oh, you’re thinking of {singing} “wouldn’t it be nice if we were older . . . ”
Me: Yeah, I think that’s it. Is that it? I think so. By the way . . . Good vibrations?
Husband: Yeah?
Me: Gives me goosebumps.
Husband: What?! How come you never told me that before? This is important stuff.
Me: Does it make you love me more?
Husband: Yeaaaahhh, lil bit.
XOXO,
Stef
On this day in history, in a year that shan’t be revealed, a divorced woman went into labor.
She was recently divorced, heartbroken, betrayed, but fervently hoping, waiting, and praying for this baby. She’d had hope before but her hopes had been dashed. Just when hope was dwindling, this baby stayed, safe; a forever companion.
On this day, September 24, that baby – 3 weeks late – said, “Momma, it’s time. Let’s go.” And off they went. With no husband, but a devoted mom & dad, and sisters, to support this little one and her new little one. Her bundle of joy.
As she writhed in pain, pushing, trying to bring this little one into the world, she said she knew, she just knew, that it had to be a boy. “It’s a boy, it’s a boy, I know it is!” But she didn’t know. Back then there were no ultrasounds to tell a momma-to-be what she was going to have.
And with one mighty push from the momma, and a tail-bone cracking kick from the baby, there was no more waiting. She was here. And, indeed, it was a she. The momma cried and named her Stefanie, with an “f”, like Stefanie Powers. Because she thought the baby would be a redhead. (She wasn’t, though possibly in temperament if the wive’s tales are true.)
The momma took the baby girl home, to their little house with the tiny yellow nursery, and it was just them and they were good.
In a few weeks the momma went back to her job at the bank and the baby stayed with her grandma every day. And she didn’t know it, but this was love and it was all she knew and all she needed. At that time.
Then one day the momma met a daddy. He was a daddy before, and he was willing to be a daddy again. And they married. And the daddy adopted little Stefanie to be his very own. A family was born.
And the baby was loved. She had a mommy-forever-companion and a daddy-who-doted and, in time, she had older siblings who moved in too. This little girl climbed up high whenever she could and jumped on things and, in the words of her aunt, she was “fearless.” It was comfort and safety, and she was always caught before she fell. She didn’t know fear.
It was all she knew and she was happy.
XOXO,
Stef
Because it’s Friday and because this never gets old. And because I’m a little Olympics obsessed.
XOXO,
Stef
This kind of thing right here? This is killing me.
This is today. It’s 7 am and I’ve been up for over 3 hours.
I.Need.Sleep.
So much on my mind lately and it seems impossible to turn off my brain. I recently figured out that slowly counting backward from 100 helps. Not last night (this morning?) though. (Can waking at 3:45 am be considered morning or is that still night?)
You’d think in 3 hours time I could do something useful. Fold laundry? Do my nails? Pay bills? Watch the unedited, full-length version of The Sound of Music? But no, because when it’s 4 or 5 am and you’re bone-tired all you want to do is lay there and try to sleep. Which is maddening. And super stupidly unproductive.
You know what else is maddeningly unproductive and mind-numbing? Staring at this for 6 hours:
But that’s another story.
So fine. I’ve showered and I’m getting ready for work. You’ve won this battle, brain, but you won’t win the war.
Hello, Starbucks? Can you deliver grande mocha light frappuccinos hourly?
Yours in sleeplessness,
Stef
Last week I was working from home for a couple days while my husband was with the little dude at Cub Scout day camp. (Which was a bit disastrous, but that’s another post). I hung out will my 10 year old for two days and it was so fun to have one on one time with him.
As I was “working” on my laptop in the living room, I turned on an episode of House Hunters. My buddy settled down to watch the episode with me and he was surprised when the couple on the show were gay. Specifically, he was confused by the term “partner” that they used to refer to each other and asked if that meant they were business partners. I explained, no, that meant they were life partners. He asked if that meant they were married. I said, well, maybe – but I’m not sure if marriage is legal in that state. So we looked it up online and found out which states allowed gay marriage, which didn’t, and which allowed some other version like a civil union. As you may expect, that segued us into a very interesting conversation on politics and morality. Um, teachable moment? Yes!
I essentially gave him a crash course in politics, Democrats & Republicans (with a passing nod to other parties), and a high-level overview of hot-button issues. I’m sure he only understood a fraction of what I said, but I hope what stuck with him was my emphasis on the need to learn the issues individually. As he gets older I want to him to think, research, and make decisions on the issues according to what seems right to him. He doesn’t have to follow what his dad and I think; he needs to form those ideals on his own, based on his fact-finding, perception and experience.
I want to provide the best moral guidance I possibly can for my boys so they aren’t caught up in simply what they are told they should believe – either by the media, their friends, or other influential adults. I want their world view to be as all-encompassing as possible. I want them to understand that life isn’t fair, but to also understand they can try to BE FAIR to others. That love, compassion, and kindness is so very necessary and though it’s so often lacking anymore they don’t have to follow that trend. I want my children to help make the world a better place and not contribute to the overall lessening of our moral compass, our collective intellect, and our soul as a country and as a collective world. I want them to understand that we are all responsible for each other.
(I realize “moral compass” can be seen as a bit of a priggish term (a bit stick-up-the-butt, so to speak). I don’t mean it that way; to me, moral compass is knowing right from wrong, good from bad, but also having the ability to understand nuances and extenuating circumstances and intentions behind the actions. To be able to see the big picture – how we all work and interact together, how one action can lead to another, and act accordingly in a way that best protects and nurtures the world and her people).
When I read an article online I typically will scroll down and read the comments. I don’t know why I even do this anymore; I am constantly appalled at the vitriol that come from people’s fingers on the interwebs when there’s no social consequence to their words. People spew hate and venom with little regard to the people their words may affect. I’m sure they think their words don’t make a difference. I can tell you, just scrolling down that list and seeing all the unadulterated bile in post after post certainly affects me.
It makes me wonder what happened. What happened to our collective heart? Are we so very polarized that we can’t imagine that public figures (politicians or otherwise) are people, like you and me, and that they are working and doing the best they can according to their beliefs? There has got to be a way for us to work together, regardless of our beliefs and how they dovetail, in order to protect our world. If people don’t start working together, being sensible to what needs to be done, then I have grave fears about where we will be in 10 years. Or even 5.
For my part, I will teach my kids that it’s not just tolerance that is needed. We need a deeper level of understanding. A deeper level of worldly consciousness. We need to be more selfless. Less motivated by the outcome and more motivated by the journey. I’ll try to teach them to look to the future and worry less about instant gratification. That’s a hard one, I’ll admit, even for me. We are so dialed into our here and now that it’s hard to think of 30, 40, 100 years down the road.
There’s no easy answer here. No quick fix, or easy way to undo all the pain out there. Making my kids *good* people won’t fix it all – I know that. All I know is I will do my best. Like my little Cub Scout. He doesn’t know, or care, what the Cub Scouts stand for, what they believe, or what their controversies have been. He only knows that he needs to do his best.
That’s all we can do.
Mucho love,
Stef
That’s not the same as having nothing good to say, you understand. If I had nothing good to say I would say nothing at all. Or, as Olympia Dukakis once said, if I had nothing good to say then I would go sit by her. (If you were born after 1990 then Google it. And stop using the term “yolo”).
I have nothing important to say. I can’t do justice to it all, you see.
First, though, my apologies for the delay in posting. I suck. Things have been busy and that’s my only excuse. We’ve gone through baseball season, I’ve had clients visit from Brazil, my kids have both finished their school year, my husband has been working various unusual jobs, and what else?? There have been school awards and school picnics, Father’s Day, 4th of July, end of quarter at work, the boys went on a mini-vacation with their grandparents and I got in a fender-bender. Rear-ended in the car we’re trying to sell, of course. Such is life.
Oh, and Magic Mike happened. Hellllloooo Channing Tatum.
You’re welcome.
So amid all this moderately controlled chaos there’s been other things – other things that put this routine disarray into perspective. Friends and relatives have lost friends and relatives. Children fighting cancer have lost their brave battles. High school friends have wept and agonized and hurt beyond measure over their dear son’s hospital bed wondering what if? What if? What if the accident had been a little different? What if he hadn’t been found so quickly? What if we had to wake up without him in the world?
Life has a way of helping us see the world more clearly. When we get into our own heads too much, when we can’t see beyond the pain or confusion within our own arm’s length, we get cosmically (or karmically?) pounded on the head until we see reason. Until we see and understand the world as a whole again, and understand our place in it.
We will have pain. We will have loss. We will have challenges. We will gain insight and perspective and a greater appreciation for every beautiful thing from every challenge we get through.
So, you see, I have nothing to say. The world is too beautiful for me to dwell on my own moderate injustices. My time is better spent being thankful for my myriad of blessings:
My baseball boy.
Cowboy dads.
Mommy & Boy time.
Dads & daughters.
Grandpas & grandsons.
Grandpas, grandsons & trains.
Fireworks & sons.
Amen.
With love,
Stef, xoxo
I didn’t think a lot had happened since I posted last time but then I went back and reviewed my Instagram pics and was like holy shitsnacks, Batman!
Kids and soccer and baseball.
Sickness.
Babies being born.
Grandpa dying.
Yard blooming.
Sunglasses.
Brotherly stuff.
School ending.
Funeral.
Car sales.
Mama ducks.
So here’s just some of what’s been going on and I’ll keep my blathering to a minimum.
Soccer wrapped up (thankyouverymuch!) and we survived, somehow.
That’s my baby, second from the right.
Big baby. (And as soon as I saw this pic we drove straight to the salon for 2 boy haircuts. Wowza.)
My yard started blooming. I love my house this time of year more than any other.
Peony. I only got 3 this year. Sadness.
Yellow Rose of Tex . . . , er, Idaho.
I love taking pics of sunsets. Or sunrises (but I’m not usually awake that early now). Or Sunbursts. Or the sky in general.
It’s like a blank canvas every day and the sun and the clouds are the artists.
I think I have a problem. I should get a bumper sticker that says, “I brake for sunsets.”
Baseball started for my oldest .
We’re Dodgers this year. Also? Sunburst.
And here’s a few other random pics because I just can’t get into the bigger stuff right now. Yet. But I will.
My little dude got to help his Papa steer the golf cart after the battery died. Shhh – don’t tell the other grandkids. It’s Papa’s rule that the kids can’t drive it until they are 13.
Even 10 year olds need Daddy cuddles sometimes.
Mama got a new pair of shades. Oh yeah, baby.
I hope your Spring and Early Summer are fun, beautiful and full of happiness.
XOXO,
Stef
I’m a typical mom. (At least, I think so).
When I was single, or before I had kids, or when money was more up than down, I took better care of myself. That includes all non-essentials – like personal care products (better, nicer, more expensive), massages, nail care (pedicures anyone?), and even vitamins. Less money plus more stress (kids busy-ness, work, finances) equals me not taking care of myself. This happens frequently. (Even though I work and make a decent income my husband is a freelance writer and actor so our income is up and down, up and down. Did I mention up and down?).
But my mom was in town last week and my mom likes to spoil me. As she put it, as my mother it’s her right to buy me those things I want but won’t buy myself. I love her! So, she took me to The Body Shop because she uses their Vitamin E cream for anti-aging. While there we discovered they were having a fabulous sale so we looked around a bit. And then she got me some products that have changed my life. For reals.
This brush is heaven. Heaven, I tell you. It feels like soft silk gently drifting down your face. Breathe, relax, de-stress. All in a freakin’ brush. Thank you, momma.
(Images and blurbs borrowed from http://www.thebodyshop-usa.com/)
Extra Virgin Minerals™ Foundation Brush
This large, rounded brush feels super-soft on your skin and is ideal for applying and blending our Extra Virgin Minerals™ Powder Foundation.High-density, synthetic hairs pick-up ultra-fine powders and feel extra soft on the face’s delicate skin.The long-lasting, hygienic bristles resist flattening.Especially-designed handle stands upright.
Second, I hate liquid foundation so I’ve given it up (except on extreme occasions). Instead, I’ve been using powder. Powder from Target. $8 powder by Maybelline or some other such brand from the store. The gal at The Body Shop used the brush above and brushed on some of their face powder. WOW. Coverage. I was shocked that a powder could provide that much coverage. It evened my skin tone and covered blotchy places and it rocked. Thank you, momma.
All In One Face Base
Best if you want to: Have skin that looks like yours, only better, with an easy-to-use powder-base.
Best for: light to medium to full coverage, oily and combination skin
What it is designed to do:
- Convenient compact includes an applicator sponge and mirror for on-the-go application.
- Dermatologist-approved, long-lasting formulation provides smooth coverage.
- Community Trade marula oil from Namibia helps to repair skin’s moisture barrier.
- Vitamin E is an antioxidant that helps to soften, condition and protect skin.
Third, and last, I was introduced to powdered bronzer for the first time. This stuff is awesome! The gal told me she uses it as blush most of the time or all over her face depending on the occasion, outfit, or time of year. I love it. I’ve been using it as a blusher since I got it and I think it’s awesome. Thank you, momma.
Baked-To-Last Bronzer
Best if you want to: Create a sun-kissed glow with a natural-looking bronzer, handmade and slow-baked for up to eight hours of deliciously rich color.
Best for: all skin types
What it is designed to do:
- Community Trade organic olive oil from Italy helps to condition the skin.
- Community Trade shea butter has antioxidant vitamins A and E to help protect and nourish skinCommunity Trade marula oil from Namibia helps to repair skin’s moisture barrier, leaving skin soft and supple.
These products have changed my life. Like, for reals. And they weren’t very expensive comparatively. I’m definitely going back to The Body Shop soon. I want MORE.
By actively seeking out and using better products I not only look better but I feel better about myself. I feel like I’m not compromising on some cheap product that I don’t have a lot of faith in before I even use them.
My mom said something interesting to me when I was lamenting about my products. She said, “I don’t know why women always go cheap on their products when it’s the one thing that we consistently use nearly every day. We act like it’s not a necessity and it really is.” Amen.
So, do me a favor, okay? Buy something good for yourself. Even if it’s just one thing. One thing that you have faith in and makes you feel like a million bucks. Buy it, use it, OWN it.
Have a good week, friends.
-Stef
The fine print: The Body Shop doesn’t know me. They have not paid me for this product endorsement and these products were paid for by my momma. (Thank you, again, momma). I just want to share a good thing. 🙂
That’s my little dude, my little Bubba. He’s one of the coolest kids I know. And his smiles are almost always genuine.
My little Bubba loves music. In the car when we flip through the stations we have to pause long enough for him to assess the music and he will either say “Cool” or “Next.”
We frequently have dance parties in our living room and, the other day, after listening to a bunch of “cool” songs I put on Bruce Springsteen’s Rosalita (cool, in my book) and Bubba threw a fit! “No, that song is NOT cool. That’s OLD school. I want NEW school!” Hee hee.
I love him so.
-Stef
My mom & stepdad are visiting.
I took the week off of work.
These are two things that instantly make my life exponentially better.
Nothing but fun this week!
We started the week off with this one’s 10th birthday:
That kid’s face kills me. I just love being his mother.
And, of course, we had a 10th birthday bash, complete with a bounce house:
Fun was had by all.
Then it was time for some mom & daughter bonding time over mani/pedis:
And I noticed my peonies are getting ready to bloom:
I made the most scrumptious lemon bars ever:
And I may have drank a little red wine:
And watched a little soccer (or a lot of soccer):
Unfortunately only from the car on Thursday because I developed an awful cold & cough mid-week and couldn’t be out there on the field like I normally am at my little guy’s practices.
My folks are going to head home in a day or two and I will reluctantly resume my chaotic life as usual. Sad they are gone but thankful they came at all.
Oh, and they introduced us to a fun dice game called LCR, Left Center Right. I think this would make an awesome drinking game:
That’s my week so far in Instagram. Part 2 may be following shortly!
Have a great weekend all,
Stef
Wise Sass 