Posted on by Wise Sass

Autism Awareness Day – April 2

I promise I’ll return to posting more stuff at some point. For now, let me take a second to throw this out there, because it’s near and dear to my heart.

April is Autism Awareness Month – LIGHT IT UP BLUE!!

1 in every 88 kids is diagnosed with Autism. It’s more prevalent in boys; 1 in 54 boys.

April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day, and the entire month of April is Autism Awareness Month. Throughout the month you may see neighbors with blue light bulbs illuminating their homes. This is in honor of Autism Speaks’ Light It Up Blue initiative. The Home Depot is an official sponsor of Light It Up Blue and they have arranged for the specially marked Light It Up Blue light bulbs to be manufactured and distributed throughout all of their stores March 1 through the end of April, or while supplies last. The light bulbs retail for $1.97, and $1 from each purchased, up to $150,000, will benefit Autism Speaks.

Autism is a brain development disorder that first appears during infancy or childhood and there is a vast spectrum for the disorder, ranging from high- to low-functioning. Symptoms are different for each person and tend to continue through adulthood, though they may become more subtle over time – often due to the Autistic person learning about themselves and how they should or shouldn’t behave in a given situation.

Autism is often characterized by challenges in the following areas: social impairments, communication development, repetitive behaviors, resistance to change and limited or obsessive focus. Autism often goes hand-in-hand with other disorders, such as ADHD, OCD, Tourette’s and even depression. Ultimately, the specific characteristics of Autism in each individual are as varied as fingerprints – as the saying goes, if you know one Autistic person then you know one Autistic person.

Social Impairments are typically apparent early in childhood. Autistic infants smile and look at others less often and respond less to their own name. Autistic children are less likely to approach people spontaneously, communicate nonverbally (such as making faces, nodding, waving, etc), or take turns with others. Their awareness of personal space boundaries, social norms, and appropriate reactions to stimulus can be extremely limited.

Approximately 1/3 to 1/2 of all Autistics do not develop enough natural speech to meet their daily communication needs. Autistic people often have great difficulty understanding non-verbal communication, including body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice. It’s important to make messages verbal and explicit when talking to them. They are typically very literal and often don’t understand the use of sarcasm or humor through tone of voice.

Repetitive behaviors, often called Stimming, are typical of Autistics and can be indicative that their brains are processing something unknown or uncomfortable to them. Though it may seem odd to us, the repetitive behaviors are actually a self-soothing mechanism. The behaviors can range from hand flapping, making the same sounds over and over, body rocking, or arranging objects in a certain way.

Following a set routine is extremely important for families with Autistic children. Avoiding deviation from a planned schedule or other ritualistic behavior pattern can be instrumental in getting through every day without a meltdown. When asked to change “on the fly,” an Autistic person can shutdown, meltdown, and/or begin stimming to self-soothe through the change. Early preparation for any pending changes is key.

Also characteristic of Autistics is limited or obsessive focus, such as preoccupation with TV or movies, a specific toy for children, or even intense interest in specific people or events in history.

As I mentioned earlier, adult Autistics, generally those that are deemed high-functioning, learn to adjust their behaviors in order to live and thrive in society. It’s entirely possible you know several people, kids or adults, who are Autistic. It’s natural for us, as neuro-typicals, when we witness a behavior we don’t understand, to categorize that behavior according to our own world view; maybe we see them as naughty, rude or unfeeling when, in reality, they are none of those things. If you see a kid having a meltdown it could simply be that he is over-stimulated and the meltdown is his reaction to the tangled yarn in his brain. Be aware and be compassionate; his parents are probably completely frazzled and could use some support and empathy!

For more info, go to:

http://www.lightitupblue.org or http://www.autismspeaks.org

Posted on by Wise Sass

I love an Autistic boy

I borrowed the concept and some of the text below from a post I saw on an Autism awareness page on Facebook. I liked the concept – it does a good job of showing life from an Autistic person’s point of view  – but the original was quite long and, um, a tad rambling. I’ve edited quite a lot for length and pertinent content.

Though every Autistic person is unique in how their developmental disorder manifests itself, these 5 things are fairly common among all Autistics. This is important stuff – especially right now. Contrary to what you may see in the mainstream media these days, Autism is not a mental illness; it is a developmental disorder.

5 Things a Person with Autism Needs

1. Patience

Realize that it takes me longer to do things. It takes me longer to process what’s going on, what I have to do next, and how I’m supposed to do it. Please do not get frustrated. I work best at my own speed. Do not try to rush me because I will only get more confused and more anxious. I often have trouble applying past experiences to new ones and at times it feel like I need to learn new tasks all the way from square one. Please do not give up on me.

2. Space

There will be many times when I will turn inward. I like to shut out the world around me; block everything out. My focus is in a place you can’t see. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t make it less real for me. I’m not doing it on purpose or to hurt you. It’s like a bubble engulfing me and it’s hard for me to pop it. When I get in this place it’s calming for me and my thoughts aren’t racing like they normally do. It is safe.

I have sensory issues so please remember that when things get loud, crowded, or chaotic, I get overwhelmed, frightened and over-stimulated. Please don’t stare, point or ridicule when you see me acting strangely. I may flap my arms. I may hide underneath the table at a restaurant. I may curl up into a ball or burrow under a pile of coats. I’m just trying to insulate myself from the chaos around me. Reset my spinning brain. It’s not because I’m misbehaving. Please do not give up on me.

3. Support

I need to find my niche, my favorite activity, my talent. Please help me to find it so I have something to do that I am good at. This will give me confidence in life. This will be an activity that will calm me and make me feel happy. I need something to keep me busy that makes me feel good at the same time. When I find what I am good at, my self-esteem will increase. This will help my life progress and blossom. It may be something simple – like stacking blocks, riding a bike, or listening to music – or it may be more complex but it will make sense to me. Please give me the support and environment I need to find this activity.

This world often looks down on people like me. I need a little extra help and I need advocates who will help to get me in a good place in life. I may always need some guidance on how to maneuver in this world. I appreciate everything you do for me but sometimes my Autism makes me unable to show you that. Please do not give up on me.

4. Structure

I work best when everything is predictable. When things are always changing my brain can’t keep up. It feels as though the world spins too fast for me and everything is out of control. Many days I live in fear of something drastically changing. It can be the smallest thing that can send me into panic: the wrong brand of cereal, a strong smell, a weird sound, the feeling of stiff, hard jeans on my legs. I am more sensitive to everything around me; that is how my brain works. The best thing for me is consistency in my daily activities. Routine makes me feel safe. Feeling safe and comfortable makes me happy and that enables me to flourish. Please do not give up on me.

5. Understanding and Love

The world can be a scary place for me. I have difficulties with socializing and communicating, but I do have feelings just like you. I have trouble expressing them and bringing them outside of my head so you won’t always be able to tell what I’m feeling. But I love, just as you do, and I need your unconditional love in return. Even when I’m mean to you. It’s just because I can’t say what I’m thinking and I don’t know how to reason through my feelings.

There will be a lot of people in life who will not understand me, who will be annoyed or even afraid of me. I will feel that shadow over me. All I need is your love and to know that there is someone, if only just one person, who loves me unconditionally for who I am. Please do not ever give up on me.

***

Yesterday I heard that there was a vile person who put up a Facebook page saying if he got 50 likes he would go BURN an Autistic person in retaliation for the shooting in Newtown.

I can’t even. I just can’t.

Look at this boy:

Jamie b&w

He is light. He is life. He is LOVE.

To think that someone would consider hurting him is beyond comprehension.

He’s been having a hard time lately. He’s had trouble at school. Trouble tolerating the stimuli around him. Lashing out in frustrated anger at his teachers and peers. We’ve been having meetings. Making phone calls. Seeking help, instruction, assurance. How do we help him to cope? What can we do to teach him coping skills? What can the school do?

We’re on a path. We just keep trudging along. They are making adjustments at the school. It’s been going on for a few months and seemed to peak following Thanksgiving break.

But the other day something momentous happened. I was trying to get him to go to the bathroom. I knew he needed to go. He was doing the thing he does when he’s holding his pee. He got angry at me for telling him he needed to go. He came up to my face, yelled at me, and he was about to hit me – I know, it’s happened enough times – and then a wonderful thing happened. The look on his face changed; some of the stormy-ness fell away. I saw the moment he realized what he was doing and stopped it. He dropped his hand, stepped back and turned away from me. He walked a few steps back and looked away. He stopped himself in the middle of his emotional outburst. That has NEVER happened. I was so proud I may have cried. Just a little.

Then, the next day, his communication log that came home from his paraprofessional at school was glowing. He participated! He engaged! He didn’t get upset, frustrated or angry all day. He played football at recess, for goodness sake! WHAT THE WHAT??

Is it a sign? Are the coping skills that he needs at this point in his life (the onset of puberty, escalated school demands, peer group involvement, etc.) finally kicking in? Oh please, oh please, oh please, make it so. My momma’s heart needs some positivity right now. I need to feel confident that my baby will grow and learn and adjust and thrive. I need to know that so badly.

I don’t mind if he’s weird just as long as he has growth. Weird isn’t bad. It’s just different. Different is good. Can we all start teaching that to others now? Different is okay. Different is normal. Let’s embrace the people in our society who are different and not make them feel like outcasts. It’s so important to our collective consciousness as a nation to feel a little more unity and a little more acceptance.

Now go forth! Be tolerant and spread love. Be the change you want to see in the world. We’ve all heard that, but do we live it?

Yours, in hope,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

The conversation can’t *just* be gun control

Mental illness does not equate to “criminally insane.”

First, let’s start here: I actually prefer the term “mentally different” versus “mentally ill”. “Ill” implies that the person is sick and they can be cured. And when referring to Autism, specifically, that’s a developmental disorder. Not a mental illness. The mentally different, and Autistics, are wired differently, making it harder for them to learn and assimilate into society like neuro-typicals. But they aren’t broken; they can be fully functioning members of society. They have hearts and souls, and they need love just like the rest of us. We need to help those people even more – those people AND their families – some how, some way, so they aren’t made to feel bad for being different. Or resentful or angry.

And (in-an-oh-by-the-way-how-come-you-didn’t-know-this-already-tone) we really need to not keep guns near them too. Because, duh, impulsiveness is pretty common in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

Autistics are not naturally calculating, violent predators. Their violence is reactive, unplanned and immediate. Generally a response to frustration and an inability to make themselves understood. Other conditions can influence this, of course, like ADHD or other neuro/developmental disorders, and those people who have combinations that can lead to violence, or a history of  minor violence, should be monitored and provided all the help and support they need. It’s incredibly heartbreaking but it doesn’t always have to be. They can learn to cope.

I don’t know why Adam Lanza did what he did. I wish I understood. I wish I knew. My son is Autistic with ADHD and has some emerging aggressive behaviors. Tell me – how can I help him? How? Am I doing enough?

I know the answer to that last question – NO.

I should be doing more. I should have every measure of support possible  made available to him. He is so worth it. I want him to be that kid on the news who has Autism and ADHD and beats the odds to give the Valedictorian speech at his school, or invents something truly amazing and scientific, or who uses his amazing heart & soul to develop a non-profit organization with grassroots support that spans the world.

I don’t want him to be that kid that everybody shakes their head at and calls a soulless coward, or a lunatic, or they say he’s “mentally ill” with a sneer in their voice and the implication that within that phrase is the answer to the whole story. It’s not.

Off the top of my head, I want my son to have these things:

  • SUPPORT. Unwavering, unlimited support from family, friends, authority figures, school systems and the government. He’s so sweet. How can everybody not love him and want him to succeed? How can he create something amazing if he isn’t given an environment where he can think?
  • Therapies (social, occupational, speech)  available regardless of ability to pay, and with minimal hoops to jump through.
  • A positive family environment. I think this is so important. Nurture your children. Help them learn. Lead by example. (I think we all forget that from time to time).
  • Uplifting, supportive teachers and staff to provide positive learning environments. Why would a kid want to learn or continue to pay attention in school if being at school is like torture for him? We need to protect our children. Sometimes I don’t think we recognize the dangers out there; the peer pressure, the bullying, the struggle of being an individual but also trying to fit in with the crowd. It’s especially hard since neuro-typical kids often learn to cope without help; we assume all kids can but often that’s not the case.
  • Insulation from things they don’t understand or can’t comprehend yet – like violence. If kids are exposed to violent acts before they have the proper perspective it can make it seem more acceptable some how. Like this violence is just a part of life so maybe I should embrace it. Every act of violence – targeting children or not, targeting Americans or not – should be shocking to us. ALL of us. We cannot continue to accept violence as a natural part of our lives.

Somebody told me that I should tell my 10 & 8 year olds about the shooting in Connecticut to “prepare them” and to “teach them what to do in that situation.” Sorry. No. I will NOT being doing that. We should NOT have to prepare our kids for a situation in which they may have to HIDE FOR THEIR LIVES. At their SCHOOL.

Let’s protect our children. ALL of them.

Yours, in despair, anger & heartbreak,

Stef (just another mother of a mentally different person)

Posted on by Wise Sass · 2 Comments

On Doing My Best

Last week I was working from home for a couple days while my husband was with the little dude at Cub Scout day camp. (Which was a bit disastrous, but that’s another post). I hung out will my 10 year old for two days and it was so fun to have one on one time with him.

As I was “working” on my laptop in the living room, I turned on an episode of House Hunters. My buddy settled down to watch the episode with me and he was surprised when the couple on the show were gay. Specifically, he was confused by the term “partner” that they used to refer to each other and asked if that meant they were business partners. I explained, no, that meant they were life partners. He asked if that meant they were married. I said, well, maybe – but I’m not sure if marriage is legal in that state. So we looked it up online and found out which states allowed gay marriage, which didn’t, and which allowed some other version like a civil union. As you may expect, that segued us into a very interesting conversation on politics and morality. Um, teachable moment? Yes!

I essentially gave him a crash course in politics, Democrats & Republicans (with a passing nod to other parties), and a high-level overview of hot-button issues. I’m sure he only understood a fraction of what I said, but I hope what stuck with him was my emphasis on the need to learn the issues individually. As he gets older I want to him to think, research, and make decisions on the issues according to what seems right to him. He doesn’t have to follow what his dad and I think; he needs to form those ideals on his own, based on his fact-finding, perception and experience.

I want to provide the best moral guidance I possibly can for my boys so they aren’t caught up in simply what they are told they should believe – either by the media, their friends, or other influential adults. I want their world view to be as all-encompassing as possible. I want them to understand that life isn’t fair, but to also understand they can try to BE FAIR to others. That love, compassion, and kindness is so very necessary and though it’s so often lacking anymore they don’t have to follow that trend. I want my children to help make the world a better place and not contribute to the overall lessening of our moral compass, our collective intellect, and our soul as a country and as a collective world. I want them to understand that we are all responsible for each other.

(I realize “moral compass” can be seen as a bit of a priggish term (a bit stick-up-the-butt, so to speak). I don’t mean it that way; to me, moral compass is knowing right from wrong, good from bad, but also having the ability to understand nuances and extenuating circumstances and intentions behind the actions. To be able to see the big picture – how we all work and interact together, how one action can lead to another, and act accordingly in a way that best protects and nurtures the world and her people).

When I read an article online I typically will scroll down and read the comments. I don’t know why I even do this anymore; I am constantly appalled at the vitriol that come from people’s fingers on the interwebs when there’s no social consequence to their words. People spew hate and venom with little regard to the people their words may affect. I’m sure they think their words don’t make a difference. I can tell you, just scrolling down that list and seeing all the unadulterated bile in post after post certainly affects me.

It makes me wonder what happened. What happened to our collective heart? Are we so very polarized that we can’t imagine that public figures (politicians or otherwise) are people, like you and me, and that they are working and doing the best they can according to their beliefs? There has got to be a way for us to work together, regardless of our beliefs and how they dovetail, in order to protect our world. If people don’t start working together, being sensible to what needs to be done, then I have grave fears about where we will be in 10 years. Or even 5.

For my part, I will teach my kids that it’s not just tolerance that is needed. We need a deeper level of understanding. A deeper level of worldly consciousness. We need to be more selfless. Less motivated by the outcome and more motivated by the journey. I’ll try to teach them to look to the future and worry less about instant gratification. That’s a hard one, I’ll admit, even for me. We are so dialed into our here and now that it’s hard to think of 30, 40, 100 years down the road.

There’s no easy answer here. No quick fix, or easy way to undo all the pain out there. Making my kids *good* people won’t fix it all – I know that. All I know is I will do my best. Like my little Cub Scout. He doesn’t know, or care, what the Cub Scouts stand for, what they believe, or what their controversies have been. He only knows that he needs to do his best.

That’s all we can do.

Mucho love,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass · 1 Comment

Mostly Wordless Wednesday in IG

I didn’t think a lot had happened since I posted last time but then I went back and reviewed my Instagram pics and was like holy shitsnacks, Batman!

Kids and soccer and baseball.
Sickness.
Babies being born.
Grandpa dying.
Yard blooming.
Sunglasses.
Brotherly stuff.
School ending.
Funeral.
Car sales.
Mama ducks.

So here’s just some of what’s been going on and I’ll keep my blathering to a minimum.

 

Soccer wrapped up (thankyouverymuch!) and we survived, somehow. 

That’s my baby, second from the right.

Big baby. (And as soon as I saw this pic we drove straight to the salon for 2 boy haircuts. Wowza.)

My yard started blooming. I love my house this time of year more than any other.

Peony. I only got 3 this year. Sadness.

Yellow Rose of Tex . . . , er, Idaho.

I love taking pics of sunsets. Or sunrises (but I’m not usually awake that early now). Or Sunbursts. Or the sky in general.

It’s like a blank canvas every day and the sun and the clouds are the artists.

I think I have a problem. I should get a bumper sticker that says, “I brake for sunsets.”

Baseball started for my oldest .

We’re Dodgers this year. Also? Sunburst.

And here’s a few other random pics because I just can’t get into the bigger stuff right now. Yet. But I will.

My little dude got to help his Papa steer the golf cart after the battery died. Shhh – don’t tell the other grandkids. It’s Papa’s rule that the kids can’t drive it until they are 13.

Even 10 year olds need Daddy cuddles sometimes.

Mama got a new pair of shades. Oh yeah, baby.

I hope your Spring and Early Summer are  fun, beautiful and full of happiness.

XOXO,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

My Little Bubba

That’s my little dude, my little Bubba. He’s one of the coolest kids I know. And his smiles are almost always genuine.

My little Bubba loves music. In the car when we flip through the stations we have to pause long enough for him to assess the music and he will either say “Cool” or “Next.”

We frequently have dance parties in our living room and, the other day, after listening to a bunch of “cool” songs I put on Bruce Springsteen’s Rosalita (cool, in my book) and Bubba threw a fit! “No, that song is NOT cool. That’s OLD school. I want NEW school!” Hee hee.

I love him so.

-Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

#myweekininstagram

My mom & stepdad are visiting.

I took the week off of work.

These are two things that instantly make my life exponentially better.

Nothing but fun this week!

We started the week off with this one’s 10th birthday:

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That kid’s face kills me. I just love being his mother.

And, of course, we had a 10th birthday bash, complete with a bounce house:

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Fun was had by all.

Then it was time for some mom & daughter bonding time over mani/pedis:

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And I noticed my peonies are getting ready to bloom:

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I made the most scrumptious lemon bars ever:

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And I may have drank a little red wine:

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And watched a little soccer (or a lot of soccer):

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Unfortunately only from the car on Thursday because I developed an awful cold & cough mid-week and couldn’t be out there on the field like I normally am at my little guy’s practices.

My folks are going to head home in a day or two and I will reluctantly resume my chaotic life as usual. Sad they are gone but thankful they came at all.

Oh, and they introduced us to a fun dice game called LCR, Left Center Right. I think this would make an awesome drinking game:

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That’s my week so far in Instagram. Part 2 may be following shortly!

Have a great weekend all,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

Happy Earth Day my fellow Earthlings!

We went to church today (a relatively new thing for us as a family) and the message was all about the importance of taking care of the Earth we all live on because the eco-system is fragile, it’s breakable, and this is the only Earth we have. The church member speaking about Earth Day pointed out that the overall goal is not to allow our global temperature to increase 2 degrees.

Doesn’t sound like much, right?  She also informed us that a change of only 4 degrees in the opposite direction brought on the last Ice Age. Umm, yikes.

Another scary bit of info: the water run-off from the Himalayas is the primary drinking water source for 40% of the Earth’s inhabitants. The polar ice caps in the Himalayas are being hugely affected by global warming which could severely affect the drinking water to some of the poorest nations on Earth. Scary, scary stuff.

See, the thing is, I don’t want my children to inherit a bigger environmental mess from us. I don’t want them feeling like they are cleaning up the mess their parents’ generation left. How can we get things going in the right direction for them?

 

This photo was taken after church today. I’m quite sure that Earth Day was designed to be in Spring (in the U.S.), when everything is at it’s most beautiful.

 

In honor of Earth Day I have lifted this list of “6 Surprising Earth Day Statistics” from the Reader’s Digest. Here’s the link if you want to go to the full site: http://www.rd.com/slideshows/6-surprising-earth-day-statistics/#slideshow=slide1

 

Green Driving

Roughly 1.5 million hybrid cars and SUVs were sold in the U.S. from 2004 to 2009. Despite bumps caused by the recession, sales of fuel-efficient vehicles are on the rise.

1 in 50 adults traded in their vehicle for a more fuel-efficient hybrid, electric, or alternative fuel vehicle in the past 6 months.

1 in 1.02 adults did not make the switch.

 

Turn Off the Lights
The energy-conscious are urged to switch off lights if they are going to be out of a room for longer than 5 minutes.

1 in 2.17 adults claim they always keep unneeded lights off or turn the lights off when leaving a room.

1 in 50 adults did not make the switch.

 

Recycle, Reduce, Reuse
According to the Environmental Protection Agency, recycling creates jobs, reduces pollution and energy use, and conserves national resources.

1 in 2.38 adults claim they always recycle.

1 in 20 admit they never recycle.

 

Trash Can
The average American produces 1,600 pounds of garbage a year.

1 in 3.7 adults claim they always reuse things instead of throwing them away or buying new items.

1 in 25 admit to never reusing things.

 

Running Water
The average American uses between 80 and 100 gallons of water a day.

1 in 3.85 adults claim they always make an effort to use less water.

1 in 16.67 admit they never make an effort to conserve water.

 

Vampire Power (not the sparkly or Bon Temps variety)
The electricity used by appliances plugged in but not in use is estimated to account for 1% of global C02 emissions.

1 in 6.25 adults claim they always make an effort to unplug electrical appliances when not using them.

1 in 6.67admit they never make such an effort.

 

Now, go forth and make the world a better place, por favor.

xoxo,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass · 7 Comments

5 Things

Whenever I start feeling pressured by ALL THE THINGS going on in my life I think of The Bangles and the “Time, time, time, see what’s become of me” quote from Hazy Shade of Winter (an awesome song). (Now, my husband will surely correct me and tell me that particular quote comes from Paul Simon. That’s fine. Except in my head I also hear the music so it’s The Bangles reference I’m making here).

So, due to the time, time, time issue I just have snippets for you today. Snippets of ALL THE THINGS swirling around in my over-crowded head just begging to be released. Each of these are unique and vary wildly from mostly unrelated to drastically unrelated. Each of these have been taking up residence in my head and banging at me from the inside and I MUST LET THEM OUT:

1. All soccer, all the time. The boys have both started soccer. 4 days a week. Their soccer practices overlap by 30 minutes and are at two different schools a few miles apart. The hubby and I are tag-teaming big-time. Please tell me this push towards socialization, athleticism, and confidence-building will all be worthwhile. Please.

2. In relation to Soccer, my Autie boy is troubled. This is his first time playing an organized sport and if he’s not exceptional and perfect at all of it then his emotions are triggered and he wants none of it. His feet and hands aren’t as coordinated as he would like and he just can’t master that drop-kick and then he says, “No, I can’t do it! Can we go home now?” And he loudly and angrily throws a fit, in front of his teammates because he isn’t hampered by the need to conform like so many other kids. The coach doesn’t know how to deal with him. The teammates don’t know how to respond. I get embarrassed.  Then ashamed. I get down to his eye-level, I talk to him, I try to reason through it with him. I tell him he’s learning, like the other kids and continued practice is what will help him. He’s largely unresponsive. He says things like “I’m stupid! I hate you!” to himself and hits himself on the head. My poor boy. How do I build him up? How do I help him? What can I do?

3. How do you feel about your spirituality? Do you think about it much? Are you quiet and introverted about it? Or do you blast it out for all to share? I have always kept my spirituality to myself and, for the most part, my husband has as well. Now things are changing. My husband has embarked on a spiritual journey that is quite life-altering and he’s bringing the whole family along with him. After 26 years of not attending church he has had a change of heart; he has reconciled some of the bitterness from his past, and decided that being a follower of Christ does not necessarily mean that he has to be aligned with a bunch of judgmental hypocrites like the Crazy Christians. To that end, he has found a church he enjoys and the whole family attended with him for Easter. There are Lesbians! There is a female pastor that looks astonishingly like Kathy Bates! There is openness and acceptance of anybody, anywhere on their spiritual journey. I’m not used to being forced to contemplate my spirituality and beliefs as much as I have been lately. I’m not sure yet, but I think it could be a good thing. (I retain the right to change my opinion at any time.)

4. I think there comes a point in every person’s life when they have to come to terms with a hard truth or two. Their age, their health, their likeliness of ever becoming an astronaut, an Oscar winner, or a late-night TV show host. Whatever it is, the more personal, the more inextricably linked to self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-perception, the harder that truth is going to be to accept. I’m dealing with a few of those right now. It’s been a long time coming,  and it’s not like I didn’t know these things before – but facing them, head-on, is the hard part. For years it’s been a dance, a flirtation, jumping forward and facing the issue and then deftly twisting sideways, plugging my ears and sing-songing, “I can’t hear you!” Burying it deeply for as long as possible until, eventually, it’s triggered and raises up with a vengeance. It’s not going to flatten me this time. I’m not flinching. I’m going to walk straight up, smack the issue in the face and say, “NO.  YOU be MY bitch now!”

5. I’m straying outside of my normal comfort zone here, but stay with me. I’ve been on the periphery of these on-going discussions on abortion and Planned Parenthood and employer paid insurance coverage for birth control and, honestly, I’m sick to death of this subject. I am pro-life. I am also pro-choice. The two are not mutually exclusive. I am a mother. I love babies. I think they are a blessing and one of those things in life that is truly pure and angelic. I don’t want babies to die. I also don’t want mothers to die. Without mothers, we have no babies. Women bear the blessing and the burden of being the life-makers, but they can’t do it alone and it’s unconscionable for women to be attacked and demoralized for something that was, quite obviously, a joint endeavor. When a baby is conceived accidentally – whether by rape, stupidity or simply by accident – then a woman, and her partner for that matter, have the right to protect themselves and their futures. The woman, specifically, has a right to protect her health. In order to prevent unwanted pregnancies it is important that all women, rich and poor and in-between, have access to birth control. It’s important that organizations like Planned Parenthood are available to help women, ALL WOMEN, with their reproductive health via regular exams, cancer screenings, birth control and, yes, abortions when needed. It’s cheaper for insurances to cover birth control than it is for a woman to get an abortion or for a family to be on welfare. That’s how I see it. Now, if the rest of the U.S. would just get in line that would be great . . .

Five snippets. All different. All so very separate yet a part of me. A part of the river of thoughts flowing  through my brain and linked by all my experiences and knowledge. Always  pushing and pulling, turning and tumbling. It’s always a journey, sometimes unattainable, to find peace in my thoughts and in my heart. Sometimes easier than others. Love, support and encouragement helps and I’ve been trying hard to GIVE that to other people because I want it in return too. I need it.

This is where my favorite quote comes in:

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

I hope your battle isn’t flattening you. I love you. I appreciate you. I think you are doing your best at ALL THE THINGS and that’s all that you can do.

Have a fabulous weekend, my friends. May your heart be at peace.

-Stef