Posted on by Wise Sass

Flashback Friday – December 1991, Winter Formal

This post brought to you by collar bones,  80’s hair and heart-shaped rhinestone earrings. Oy.

This was my first junior/senior formal. I went with my “boyfriend” from jr. high. He was the kid that had lived around the corner and we would “go out” for a while (like a week) and then break up and then “go out” again. And again. He was a year older so I think I bullied him into taking me since I was only a sophomore. 😉

I keep this pic and one other tucked into the mirror on my dresser. Sometimes I wish I could take that girl, shake her, and tell her all the things she should or shouldn’t do in the next 15 years! Just so she would have an easier time. Just so she won’t have regrets.

Alas, I wouldn’t be who I am today if she hadn’t plunged on, heedless of the consequences, and experienced all that she did. There are more good memories than bad, thankfully.

I was actually pretty tame in comparison to a lot of people my age but, like everybody, I have things I would have done differently.

Have a great weekend everybody.

xoxo,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

San Francisco, my city home

I’ve been in San Francisco for the last 3 days and every time I’m here I experience something new, incredible and glorious. Whether it’s the time I spend with my friends/co-workers or the different places we go, it’s always a wonderful addition to my memory bank.

This week was, in some respects, harder for me than usual. I felt weighed down with a heavy emotional burden and it was hard to shake that at times. But I did, thanks to the people I’ve been with here, and it’s helped me a lot.

Though I’ve been in the city for work meetings this week, we always manage a bit of play. My friends from our London office are generally the life of the party and they certainly didn’t disappoint this time.

First, just two blocks or so from my hotel was the Blue Bottle cafe. Now, I’m not a serious coffee person. I like my chocolate with coffee rather than the other way around. This place is not meant for people like me. These people are serious about their coffee. Take a look at this contraption – they tell me it’s vacuum-sealed brewing or something but it just looks like a chem experiment to me:

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We ate at the Wayfare Tavern, a Tyler Florence restaurant, in their Bartlett Room. I’m not sure what Bartlett they are referring to but I prefer to think of President Bartlett (in the utopian society inside my head):

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The food was excellent. The tri-tip melted in my mouth like prime rib. Awesomeness.

That day I gave my presentation at our meetings. It was received with thunderous applause and accolades while confetti was shot from the ceiling and showgirls danced. Okay, fine, there were no showgirls. There must have been confetti though, right?

The meetings culminated in last night’s “holiday” party at Harry Denton’s Starlight Room at the top of the Sir Francis Drake Hotel. What a treat! We sang, we danced, we cried! (oh, no, the crying was when I got back to my room and pried my high heels off my swollen & bruised feet. Why oh why must we do that to ourselves? I can barely hobble today.) It was glorious and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Here are some views from the Starlight Room:

The Westin St. Francis towered over us:

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And we towered over Union Square:

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But, to be honest, I think my favorite picture from the trip was taken in a quiet moment in my hotel room. I was contemplating friends, relationships between them, life and its ever evolving nature, as I sat in my hotel window watching the sunset. My room overlooks Yerba Buena gardens, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and the Jewish Museum. As dusk was settling in and the rain was starting, these little lights popped on and they were so random, and somehow elegant, and they beautifully illuminated this gloomy eve.

A patch of light in the falling darkness:

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San Francisco is my city-home. I don’t live my life here but I feel at home whenever I visit. “Save me, San Francisco,” indeed.

XOXO,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

Looking forward

3:30 AM observations. Take them for what they’re worth.

Sometimes when you look behind you, and you get just the right angle, you can see a beautiful thing.

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You may be tempted to turn around – after all, why leave safety, the known, when it’s there all pretty and deceptively gleaming?

You can’t get ahead and grow up in life without being brave and taking a few shaky steps into the unknown darkness.

On the other side you may find things different than what you’ve known before. Different, but inviting and beautiful in their own right.

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Don’t be afraid.

XOXO,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass · 5 Comments

Letting go

I’m due for a post regarding the holidays, our trip to California or my son’s 8th birthday. Or something else – like my Christmas tree falling over while my dad was house-sitting and breaking some of my favorite glass bulbs, or my dog vomiting the day we left, or my car needing new brakes on the trip. Or I’m way, way overdue in putting together a post on my kids, their medications and how frustrating medicating them is to me.

I’m overdue to share, or overshare, a lot of things but today I have one thing banging around inside of my head and I can’t let it go.

Relationships between women are TOUGH. Thank goodness men turn me on more than women because, honestly, mixing romantic love with the already complicated relationship women have together sounds like a nightmare.

A good female friend of mine hurt me a couple weeks ago. She didn’t hit me, or call me a bitch, or sleep with my husband. It was much less obvious than that, but felt like so much more to me.

She marginalized me. She made me feel like my time wasn’t valuable and my presence in her life was unnecessary. She didn’t say it, outright, but it was in lots of little actions. Unanswered invitations, changes in plans with no alternatives, and implied plans never materialized. Harsh words, in the end, rather than understanding.

I made exceptions. I said, “Oh, that’s just her. She’s dealing with something. She’s stressed. She’s dealing with a lot.” Then someone said, “Isn’t that what you always say? What about you?”

I didn’t know what to say. So I shut-up. I didn’t say anything else. To her, to my husband, to my mother – to anybody. I said I didn’t want to talk about it. And I didn’t. I didn’t want to think about it – though my mind wouldn’t stop churning against it.

What about me?

Again, AGAIN, I find myself putting her needs in front of my own. Making her wants more important than mine. AGAIN.

Wait. Stop. I’m not trying to bash her. I love her. I do.

I’m HURT. She makes me feel like I need to be “worthy” to be her friend. I find myself wondering if anybody feels that way about me? I hope not. I just want a friend.

When we’re good, and she’s content, then we’re great. She knows everything about me. Every secret. Every desire. Every heartbreak. She knows EVERYTHING.

So how could she be so dismissive? How could she let this opportunity go so easily? Why was she so rigid in everything she said or did? It was ME, for goodness sakes. Just me. Me. I invite you into every facet of my life and family and you give so little. Invite so little. Include me so very, very little.

So I pulled back. I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling. For almost two weeks I’ve refused to talk about it or think about it or write about it. Until today, and I don’t know that I’m expressing myself very effectively now either but I had to, today, because she put the final nail in the coffin.

I was working towards being able to reach out to her again. Getting ready to talk about what happened and try to bridge that gap.  Mentally, today, I was getting closer to dealing with this issue. Ready to bring it to the forefront of my mind and gnash my teeth with it and figure out why this particular hurt was so very hurtful.

Then, today, I noticed she unfriended me on Facebook. Childish behavior indeed, and designed to get a rise out of me. But that was it. Now I feel pushed around and manipulated and any guilt I felt for not reaching out before now has vanished. Vanished. I love her like a sister and she couldn’t even wait for me to work through this. She just had to push and push and push.

And I’m done.

If you love someone like family then you LOVE them. Every stinkin’ smelly difficult part of them. I love her and I wish her well but I cannot be manipulated. I cannot be a friend only when she desires me to be one. She cannot have all my friendship anymore because she doesn’t take good care of it. I’m done.

And that, my friends, is why relationships between women are TOUGH .

And why I will not be turning lesbian any time soon.

xoxo,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

From me to you

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

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We are having a wonderful time on our vacation/family visit. I hope you all are having a great holiday as well.

Don’t forget to count your blessings!! I’m thankful every day for those up there and the hammy-ness of this one down here:

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XOXO,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

Traveling

I’m traveling today, over the river and through the woods, to spend the holidays with family.

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Very, very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours! I love and appreciate you.

XOXO,

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass · 1 Comment

Brave Girls Unite

My beautifully brave sister in law posted a note to my wonderful mother in law today on Facebook. I read it. I gasped. I loved it immediately.

This is what I need. This is what all women need. How could I have not known about this earlier?

It’s a site called http://bravegirlsclub.com/. The letter I read was from their Daily Truths emails which seem to always start with “A little bird told me . . . ” and then goes on to give you a daily boost.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.

I flipped through some of their Daily Truths and this one stuck with me. This is for my girls down in a hole of despair and pain. Baby, it will get better.

I’ll recreate the whole note here and link to it as well so you can see the pretty graphics:

 

Dear Extraordinary Girl,

The path to the best places for us sometimes must take a trip through the muck to get to the other side of it. Sometimes that truly is the only way.

When we are in the middle of it, it feels senseless and like such a complete waste of time (let alone not very comfortable)When we are in painful places in life, or even just annoyingly uncomfortable places, it’s important to remember that we are headed somewhere else if we want to be.

We do not have to stay stuck there. Sometimes it takes a while to work our way out of it, and sometimes we don’t know how we got there in the first place, but mucky yucky places on the path of life are always temporary if we are willing to work our way out of them.

We are not meant to stay stuck. We are not meant to be stagnant. We are not meant to be in pain for any longer than it is necessary to teach us. We are meant to shine, to fly and to have joy. Even when we are in a place where it’s nearly impossible to do this, there is always a way out of that mucky place. It is always temporary.

Please believe this, beautiful friend.

If you are in a mucky spot, just keep going, keep going ’til you get to the other side of it. It will be SO worth it.

Don’t you dare give up now.

You are so loved.

xoxo

Here’s the link: http://www.bravegirlsclub.com/dailytruths/oct1111.htm.

You tell me what woman doesn’t need a daily affirmation like this and I’ll then prove that woman is really a man. And sometimes men need them too.

YOU ARE SO LOVED. Every one of you.

Stef

Posted on by Wise Sass

I don’t even LIKE white chocolate

We’ve had “management training” courses the last two days at my office. These classes consist of me and half a dozen other managers/supervisors hanging out in a conference room eating candy, playing with toys, occasionally watching videos and talking about how to be better at our jobs.

The important thing here is the candy. (Obviously).

But I do have to say spotting a Martin Sheen lookalike in one of the training videos was cool. It turned out to be Martin Sheen’s brother.

Back to the candy.

I’m not a huge candyholic or anything. I mean, I like specifically what I like and that’s it. (Usually dark chocolate, and especially See’s. Just FYI since, you know, ’tis the season). Wink.

But yesterday the instructor (a totally sweet and knowledgeable gal named Karen) dumped a bag of peppermint candy cane kisses on the table.

I was unperturbed. I don’t even like white chocolate. (It’s not REAL chocolate, you know).

But the other people around me started trying them and flipping out. So I thought what the hay and I tried one. That was the beginning of the end.

Crunchy and smooth. Minty and chocolatey. Perfect combo.

I think our class nearly finished off the bag. No kidding. (By the way, just FYI, the men in the class were so much worse than the ladies at shoveling it down!)

Anyway, to make a short story long, TRY THESE:

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Posted on by Wise Sass · 1 Comment

Thankfulness: the theme of the day

Sometimes life is so busy. Sometimes there are just SO MANY THINGS (people, needs, work) clamoring for our attention that it makes it extremely difficult to focus on the most important things.

That’s kind of what Thanksgiving is for though, right? Time to focus and take stock and appreciate.

Sometimes that’s even hard to do on Thanksgiving. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’m used to having a BIG family get together on Thanksgiving and the day ends up being more about getting the food ready, making sure it’s yummylicious, getting myself and my family out the door, and dealing with a lot of people.

This year things are different for us. We’re not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or having anyone over. No one. It will just be the 4 of us. WOW.

Now, maybe, we can focus on the important things. Now I can ponder my thankfulness with (mostly) my full attention. I can selfishly eat the yummy food my husband makes and not have to share. I can cuddle my kids for hours. I can do the dishes much, much later. I can watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade with minimal interruption.

So here’s my thankful list:

My boys.

My husband.

My home.

My health and my predominantly healthy immediate and extended family. Knock on wood.

My job, and paycheck.

My mom.

All my many, many parents.

My good friends. You know, the ones you love like family and they love you back without exception.

My iphone. (just keepin’ it real, folks)

This blog, as my outlet, and anybody who reads it. I’m so grateful.

My hope. I don’t ever want to lose it.

Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you.

Posted on by Wise Sass · 5 Comments

The klutz with the butter

This post brought to you by Starbucks. Lots and lots of Starbucks – down my shirt, all over my pants, shoes and ankles but none, unfortunately, down my throat.

I’m traveling this week. Working at one of my company’s offices on the East Coast. I left my hotel this morning in khaki cropped pants (because it’s unseasonably warm right now), slip-on clogs, and a white top with a light floral pattern. I went to Starbucks for coffee and a bacon sandwich, and then drove on to my office just 2 blocks away. I got out of the car juggling my wallet, keys, phone, sandwich and coffee in one hand and was opening the back door of my rental car with the other when the wheels came off the wagon. Or, more accurately, the lid popped off the coffee and caused a mini  coffee explosion. Overreacting, I dropped the stupid cup so that a secondary explosion occurred at my feet.

Then I stood there in shock for about 30 seconds. Did that really just happen? Yes. Ugh.

So I did the only thing I could do – I hopped back in the car and took my sticky, wet, mocha-smelling self back to my hotel room and back to bed for the rest of the day.

Okay, all of that except the last part because, duh, the show must go on.

Here’s proof – the shirt part, at least:

Unflattering picture be damned. Proof. Lame-o.

But all that was just an aside to the real subject of this post. BUTTER. The BUTTER I made. I MADE IT. Myself. BUTTER.

I never really knew how butter was made. I mean, I remember seeing an old-fashioned butter churn when I was a kid (probably at some pioneer display or something) and I guess I just assumed there was some hugely mechanical, automated way to do it in mass quantities. Like a gigantic churn. And I’m sure there is and that’s how the major producers make it, package it, and sell it. But I DIDN’T know I could reproduce that step at home with my own handy-dandy Kitchen Aid mixer.

Note:  if you don’t have a stand mixer then I just recommend driving your happy butt down to the store and buying the butter there. There’s just no way you want to do this with a hand mixer. NO WAY, Jose.

First, get some whipping cream:

Dump it into a stand mixer bowl and start mixing on low. (The recipes I read recommended low, but I found that it was taking FOREVER to thicken (like over 10 minutes) so I upped it to medium. You may want to do that sooner than I did).

Then, before you know it, you’ll be at the whipped cream stage:

Keep it up!

Then it starts to get chunky and yellower:

That’s a good sign. Keep going.

Then, it starts to slosh – what?

Look! Almost butter-like.

At this point you will want to drain it and start trying to squeeze as much excess liquid out as you can.

The liquid is buttermilk! You can keep it and use it in another recipe or do what my husband did and just drink it. (That’s an ew thing for me, but I’m not a milk drinker at all so maybe that’s just me).

Then I threw it back in the mixer a bit to make sure there wasn’t any more excess liquid coming out and there wasn’t. I pulled the butter out and separated it into two containers. At this point you can add salt if you want salted butter, or you can add other stuff, or nothing at all. I chose to add honey to one container and salt, garlic, and herbs to the other. Then I mixed each up, put a lid on and tucked them in the fridge for later use. Voila! But you may want to shape the the butter, something I didn’t do, into a log or similar, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate it that way.

Super duper easy peasy. All told, it took about 30 minutes and very little effort. And guess what?

I TOTALLY JUST MADE BUTTER. That’s going on my resume:

Can you code?

No, but I can make butter – can you do that?  No? Boo-YAH.