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Tracking dates is sometimes very important to me and I’ve been wondering why. Is it because it helps with my obsessiveness? Because I can then say it’s been 1 year since such & such happened?

And what’s the significance of a year anyway? Just because it’s been the time it takes for the sun to complete its orbit should have no significant impact on the activity in my life or reflect my feelings at all.

But it does. Suddenly when you say it’s been a year then that designation carries more weight. Conceptually, the thought process is that the further distance you get from a hard event the easier you’ll feel about it. But it just gives further fodder to my tendency to obsess over those precious, catalytic events in my life.

In reality, I wish I could just move the eff on already. I don’t like being obsessive. I don’t like holding on to all this life-sucking emotion.

But still, I sit here and say – a year ago today this happened and I felt like this and how did that year get me here? And could I have imagined that? What should I have done differently?

Over-analyze. Obsess.

Hindsight = clarity, sometimes acute humiliation and recognition of the forest when, during the event, you can only see the trees.

I started my first job on March 5 many, many moons ago.

I my heart broken for the first time on September 18. Same year.

I moved out of state Nov 15, 1997 for the first time.

I made a decision that altered the course of my life forever on September 25, 1999.

I was 6 weeks pregnant with my first son on September 11, 2001.

In 4 days it will be 16 months since my beloved Grammy passed away.

On July 14, 2014, I will have been married 14 years.

It was around this time a year ago that I altered the course of my life again.

I don’t take these events lightly. They impacted me significantly and contributed to who I am today.

Dates and the passage of time define our activities, our events, our milestones. But they don’t actually reflect the heart, do they?

Time is not a barometer of emotion. It’s simply the measurement of how long I’ve been happy/sad/hopeful/miserable. It’s the ruler to know how long it’s been, my penance, my joy, my pain. An instrument of reflection.

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Maybe it’s time to move on. Time to stop the obsessing. Time to recognize and appreciate these events for what they really are: life experiences!

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Move on? Move forward.

With love,
Stef

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