So here I am sitting in a hotel room in San Francisco. I’m naked. A little while ago I needed to iron a shirt. I was  naked then too. (I like to be naked in hotel rooms. I mean, not ALL the time. But before and after showers. While air drying. While taking my time getting ready. I think it’s because I live with 3 boys. Hotel rooms are practically the only time I can walk around naked. I mean, closed doors don’t stop little boys if you know what I mean).  Moving on. Hotel room. Naked. Ironing.

Then I thought back to that time I was making pasta at home, naked, and the pot  boiled over. (I don’t know where the boys were that allowed me to be in the kitchen naked. Probably at school and I was taking a day off. And the big boy? He doesn’t  mind the nakedness so much).

So then I thought, there really should be a list of things we, big-breasted women, should NEVER do naked. Like a guide to protect the big boobages. A safety manual!

Here’s my attempt:

  • Iron. (Duh. But I suppose this is dependent on your height and the height of your ironing board. And how fast and swooshy you are with the iron).
  • Cook on the stove. Or near the oven, for that matter. You never know when those puppies will get in the way or when something with boil over. Or pop. Ow.
  • Wash dishes. Because I use hot water and I’m a splasher.
  • Use a curling iron or flat iron. Just don’t. Trust me.

That’s what I’ve got so far. Do you have additions?

Oooh, one more. This is an honorable mention because it doesn’t have the same burn factor:

  • Take clothes out of the washer to put in the dryer. Again, this may be a height thing. I’m vertically challenged so, you know, things get smooshed when I’m trying to reach the bottom of the washer. It’s not pleasant.

Rule of thumb: when in doubt, don’t let them out!

Yours in singed boobs,


One thought on “Big-breasted nudists: don’t do these things

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