I’m traveling

I’m on part one of my travels – hanging out with my BFF in the Boston area. Tomorrow is part two; I’ll head down to Washington DC tomorrow for a few days of work. 

I have lots of blog ideas percolating in my head and hope to post in the next day or two. I bought a book at the airport and, wow, it’s giving me lots of good food for thought. The book is the follow-up to Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert called Committed: A Love Story.

I don’t want to write today anyway. My heart and thoughts are with my sister-in-law, nephews, and in-laws who are marking the first anniversary of my brother-in-law’s death today. All the love in my heart going out to them today.

I’m in love . . . with Downton Abbey

A few weeks ago a co-worker, Allen, told me about Downton Abbey. It’s a new Masterpiece Classic miniseries on PBS. Allen works in Washington, D.C., and I only see him once or twice a year so I’ve never actually met his wife, but I know that we have something in common. This is how he knew I would like the series. You see, his wife and are both Janeites. What is a Janeite you say?
Jane·ite [ jáyn t ] (plural Jane·ites) noun
Definition:
devotee of Jane Austen: an expert on or admirer of the life and works of the English novelist, Jane Austen
You’re shocked, I know. I mean, if you have read any of my other posts then obviously you know I’m a Janeite.

When Allen told me how much his wife absolutely loves this series I definitely took heed of his advice. I knew I would forget so I sent myself a reminder email. Still, it was 3 weeks before I stumbled upon that email and then I finally watched the first of four 1 hour, 23 minute, episodes.

And I was hooked immediately. I love it! It’s so very Jane Austen (though off by about 100 years) in it’s comedy of manners. It’s wicked in a way you wouldn’t expect from a British period show. And it’s so well-made. The settings, the acting, oh, and the costumes! I love the costumes.
Try it. It’s available on PBS.org for a limited time: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/downtonabbey/index.html. 
Here’s a sample with the lovely Maggie Smith, Elizabeth McGovern and Hugh Bonneville: 

Persuasion

Here’s that poem I promised you inspired by Anne Elliot from Persuasion:

Is it because she loved so deep?
Her love lying dormant and asleep;
Is it the years betwixt their sighting
That has born delusions alighting?
What would happen to the pair of them?
Alas, no pair in sight for hope has dimmed.
The fire that burned years hence
Dwindled to a kindle and lost all sense.
Oh! How that flame did burn so long ago;
And not so long, it seems, to forego
The dream, the fairytale scene;
But, no, not to be, inappropriate deemed.
Fairness, yes, unfortunately;
Moral obligation not taken lightly.
And yet the heart will do as it pleases;
It will weep, mourn and grieve until it releases.
The fire inside will diminish, in time;
Dear Lord, she begs, please hasten mine.
She bears it daily, hidden in her secret vault;
The pain is hers, and she alone is at fault. 
There are many secrets in a woman’s heart;
Buried, for safekeeping, if she’s smart.
Secrets, the solace of unrequited love

Like ashes, take flight on the wings of a dove.

Musings

I haven’t posted in a while. I feel like my posts always need to have a specific purpose – like I need to have a reason to say what I want to say. But I don’t think that’s true, right? I can just say what’s going on in my mind. That would be the purpose of this blog. It’s not private but I also don’t think anybody is reading it so why not?

I ask a lot of questions. It’s just my way of talking. Some are rhetorical and some are not. Your choice. 

I’m still thinking about my mom & stepdad’s visit. It was so awesome to have them here! Sometimes my mom drives me crazy but this time I was much more tolerant. It was easier for me to just appreciate her for who she is this time. Maybe I’m growing old? Maybe I’m just lonely and needed her here. She takes care of me, loves me unconditionally, doesn’t get mad at me if I’m snippy and as I get older I am learning to appreciate her unconditional love more and more. 

I keep thinking about an opportunity that came my way and then, just as quickly, passed me by. It would have been so very good for us, in many ways, but there were some definite detriments. Could I have done it? Yeah, I think so. It’s daunting but I think I would have found the strength and ability when needed. But its gone so it’s better to just let it go. 

I’m falling behind on everything right now. I can feel myself escaping because I can’t handle the sheer volume of stuff I need to do. They aren’t all unpleasant tasks so I’m not sure what my problem is. Maybe a little bit of depression? I hear that’s common at the holidays – though usually I’m happiest at Christmas time. My favorite time of year! This year I can’t seem to get excited. I feel bad about myself because of so many different things and I’m having a hard time seeing past all my internal recriminations. 

Some of the people closest to me in my daily life are going through stressful times. They are ticking time bombs: unpredictable and capable of reacting in any way and at any time. I feel divided in two – I’m either the equalizer or I’m the time bomb myself.  It’s been proven, by a bunch of scientific psychologists, I’m sure, that in the dynamic between two people there is one person who dictates the relationship at any given time. The other person equalizes or provides the balance. If one person is emotionally unstable (at that moment) then the other person acts as the counter-weight. If the other person doesn’t equalize then we see incredible things happen – like those people who lose their minds and beat the crap out of each other, rob banks, or drive off cliffs. 

What’s my point? Just this – if someone equalizes all the time then when do they get to express their emotions? Do they just suppress it and then it comes out later in myriad little rebellions? Or at inopportune times? I don’t know the answer to that. Where’s Dr. Sweets when I need him?  Yes, that was Bones reference. I freaking love that show. 


People are so complex. I love Bones, and the West Wing, and the Stieg Larsson books, and Jane Austen, mostly because of one uniting factor – they talk about people and what makes them tick. If I ever write a book it will be about people, relationships and how they react emotionally. 


Speaking of escaping, here’s a little thing I wrote a while back:

Watch me, watch me!
See how I sigh?
And roll away my eye?
I just caught myself in a lie!
See me, do you see me?
I run and run and run
For me, that’s the key
To not come undone.

Jane Austen – a warning

Among the various things on my desk (iPod chargers, checkbooks, bills (and more bills), Jelly Bellies, and Kleenexes) is a book called Jane Austen’s Little Advice Book (edited by Cathryn Michon and Pamela Norris). I’m warning you now because you WILL see Jane Austen quotes on a fairly regular basis. She is the inspiration for so many good things and the balm for all the bad things.

If you ever fear you are alone in your problems just know that you, decidedly, are not: 

“None of us expects to be in smooth water all our days.”

Persuasion, Jane Austen

Speaking of Persuasion, (it is neck-in-neck with Pride & Prejudice for my favorite Jane Austen book), remind me to share my Persuasion-themed poem one of these days.