Redefining white knights

The older I get the more I see that life is about the moments. I’m having one right now and I love it. I’m sitting in my darkened office looking out the window. It’s an overcast day but that suits me fine. I’m listening to Train, “Marry Me.” This has the same effect on me as listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love Story.” I get all gooey and warm inside and revert back to that 16 year old girl waiting for the fabled Prince Charming on his white horse. This makes me think of a flurry of pop culture-ish quotes:

Charlotte from Sex & the City:

I’ve been dating since I was fifteen! I’m exhausted! Where is he?

Faith Hill, “This Kiss”:

All I wanted was a white knight with a good heart, soft touch, fast horse

I think, ladies, that those of us that have been married for more than a couple years know that there is no white knight to come in and save the day. Life isn’t about being rescued, and if you are depending on a man to save you, support you, and buy you bon-bons you are on a collision course with reality and will soon be landing smack on your face.

I don’t know what I expected marriage to be like when I got married at 25, but it wasn’t a white knight to make it all better. I expected a partnership and equal division of labor (being somewhat of a feminist, if you want to use that term) with a lot of love. (Picture: vacuuming and dusting together, gardening together, folding laundry – together). I was in love in a way I hadn’t been before. It was a powerful meeting of the minds (and other things) and it happened very, very fast. We finished each others thoughts. We were different enough that we complemented each other; we were alike enough that we often enjoyed the same things. When people ask, “how did you know” the answer was, and is, always, “We just knew.

July 14, 2000

Next month is 12 years since we started dating. I’m still in love – but it has changed so much. We have grown together. We still love some of the same things and we both still have our own separate passions. I think I lost myself for awhile but for the past few years I’ve been fighting to get myself back. To remember again what *I* like – flavors, scents, music, things to do and read, etc. I lost myself from being a mom & wife, but as I get to know myself again I think that only makes our marriage stronger. He likes my strong & sassy side. (Sometimes more than others).

We still argue and bicker and get our feelings hurt. But I don’t think it’s like it used to be; we aren’t so self-righteous now. We’ve been through some things now and, for me at least, I see that nothing is ever black & white.

It’s all about the moments.

I took today off from work. This morning I pulled on a jacket and shoes over my PJ’s to drive my oldest to school while the hubby drove our youngest (they go to separate schools due to the Autism thing). I had just pulled into the garage and was turning my car off when my cell phone rang.

The hubby, “did you go straight home?”

Me, “yes, I’m in my PJ’s.”

Hubby, “I’m going to get you some Starbucks since, you know, it’s a special day. Do you want cold or hot?”

Me, “hot please.”

That’s MY white knight. 

3 thoughts on “Redefining white knights

  1. Joni says:

    My Knight took Ella down stairs this morning so I could sleep after a long night up. I laid there feeling guilty for 30 minutes before I fell fast asleep and slept another hour. Last night he presented me with his accounting of the birth of our wee one. Sometimes right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives you a fairytale. Sometimes the fairytale leaves their underwear on the floor. :)

  2. Yes, we just knew. No question about it. And that's still true.Love you, Valentine o' mine!

  3. Having a true partner sure does make it an easier walk. My hubby picked me up after the most tragic of losses and has been helping me breath ever since. I tell people all the time marriage is a job, you have to work at it. Sometimes there is little effort to the work and sometimes life gives you crazy stress and having a partner to work with you makes it even better. Having never met Eric my assessment is obviously slanted…his acting is amazing, he helps with the kids, and who wouldn't love a sense of humor like that. You are blessed as is he. I am on year 14…crazy! I wish you and Eric all the best in your years to come.

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